In 2013 I spent almost all of my time trying to make other people happy.
I started cutting, to the point where the bone was visible and I now have visible keloids on my arm.
I lost a very good relationship because I tried to make someone else who had no business butting in happy.
I finally came to terms with the sexual and emotional abuse I suffered at the hands of my former gay best friend.
I allowed my emotions to become so bottled up I started suffering horrific panic attacks.
But I learned from them.
So this year is going to be about me. Im going to do what I want and not worry about making other people happy at the expense of my own.
Call it selfish if you will.
But I have never been selfish my entire life and I fucking deserve to be.
So I’m going to do things I’ve always wanted, but have been too afraid to do.
This year I’m going to embrace me.
This year I’m going to learn to fight back.
I’m signed up for my first kickboxing/mama fight class tomorrow.
Because I’m tired of being too afraid to defend myself.
I’m tired of presenting a facade of happiness when in reality I’m suffering and crying myself to sleep most nights.
This year I’m taking care of me.
And if you think I’m being selfish stuff it.
Because I’m too tired to give a shit.
You dont understand happiness until you get some fresh braids.
IS A FUCKING TECHIE!
SON OF A BITCH I CANNOT ESCAPE TECHIES!
IS THIS BECAUSE IM A DRAMA KID?
HAS THE UNIVERSE CURSED ME IN SOME HORRIFYING WAY?!
LIKE WHAT THE SHIT!!
This is how my brother cleans the kitchen.
Never let him listen to Ciara.
One of the guys that I cannot seem to shake off grabbed my arm and said “why you being so distant baby girl”.
I had to scream to get him away from me.
I honestly don’t know what made him think it was fucking okay to touch me but to grab my arm and call me baby girl almost made me throw up.
I fucking hate those two words today.
I cannot tell why, but I was close to hyperventilating.
I’m going to tell my manager tomorrow about him, because I’ve noticed he only comes in when he thinks he knows I’m working.
I’m actually terrified right now.
But I want to thank the young man who pulled him off of me and asked if I was okay, because I was completely frozen.
So my doctor switched up my BC about a week ago.
And I swear to the gods that my boobs have gotten 10x bigger.
Idk if its just me but this is weird.
But they’re SO BIG!
ITS LIKE 2 BALLOONS ON MY CHEST!
SOURCE HOW DO YOU DO THIS I DON’T UNDERSTAND?!
Its Halloween and I actually was invited out for once.
But instead I’m gonna sit on the internet and mope…..
See this is why I don’t have friends IRL…